Tripping Up on Dating

So, imagine it’s the night you finally decide to go out and you’ve put on your most flattering cocktail dress– the one that makes you feel good even with those extra 10Ibs. You check yourself out in the mirror one last time and notice your hair and makeup is beat. You step out in your best pumps and walk up to the doors of the nicest lounge/bar in the city. Making your way inside, you notice eyes watching you and surprisingly it gives you a boast of confidence. Like maybe you can still bring the boys to yard lol. Sauntering to the nearest table, the tiny point of your heel catches on the invisible string in the carpet and you take a dramatic tumble to the ground. Welllllllllll…that instance is far from what my entrance into dating looked like. It was more like wearing my favorite comfy jeans, a cute shirt, and some cute flats to a large gathering filled with eligible men. Moving through the cluster of bodies ready to socialize with the first hottie, and somehow still ending up tripping on air.

I’m not sure which situation is more embarrassing, but I know they equally catch you off guard and are down right embarrassing. And that is precisely what my first attempt at dating felt like.

I finally decided I was ready to get out there and test the waters.  I was feeling every bit of the catch phrase “single and ready to mingle.” So, I did what any normal woman would do– I downloaded a dating app. Right?! Enlisting my handy HTC One, I typed in “dating apps” and began reading countless ratings for each app. Perusing through the different types of dating apps made me feel out of touch with the world or at least outdated. And with every flick of my thumb revealing more options I wondered if it would ever come to an end. I realized that dating was more than two people meeting up, but now you were able to choose the exact kind of person you want to date. Girl, boy, white, black, brown, undecided, nearby, overseas, you name it they had it. Like a international flee market filled with eligible bachelors, basket-cases, and down right rude boys. I wasn’t sure how good of a bargain these free apps were serving up.

Browsing all these different apps, I kept in mind my four must haves: high ratings, diverse group of men, easy setup, and FREE! I was going to treat this dating app adventure like I treated my online shopping, but my patience was wearing thin and so was my desire to even try this type of dating.
After looking at apps like OKCupid, Tinder, Zoosk, and POF, I settled with MiuMeet (yup spelled exactly like that). At that point I was feeling like these apps were more like job applications with their thousands of tedious questions, and no one likes filling out lengthy job applications. So I settled, sue me. MuiMeet was a simple app. All I needed was an email, basic information, my name (not my real one, of course), and pictures. Once I filled out the necessary info and placed my most current and flattering pics of me in my profile, I clicked submit and let the magic or subsequent chaos begin.

Satisfied with my accomplishment, I set my phone down content with waiting. I felt a load lift from my shoulders as I imagined a decent looking guy messaging me. My thoughts drifting to images of my week ending off with us sharing thoughtful conversation at the local pastry shop. A girl can have dreams, but within minutes I received messages from all kinds of guys blowing up my once silent phone. My first reaction was excitement. I could even feel my heart pick up at the thought of who was awaiting me. Then, I began to feel a tad overwhelmed, as I was not expecting instant responses — the magic. Picking up my phone I had to remind myself this was just a step in my dating journey and not the end. And like the naive person I am I begun to read every message I received, from the simple salutations to lengthy rap sheets.

The quick messages were cute at first but soon became annoying once I realized they were shifting the initial conversation on to me. And the “your beautiful” or “your cute” was nice (and incorrect) but left nothing much for me to work with. While the biographies were entertaining and painfully unnecessary because I wasn’t interested in reading a rough draft of an autobiography. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention the picture messages that ranged from interesting to downright disgusting. I either wanted to gasp in horror or laugh out loud at the sender’s confidence.

Coming to my last pop up message, I closed out of the app and realized this was more than I bargained for. I didn’t expect a sea of men try to sang my attention, no matter how fleeting. Believe me ladies…the “ocean” of future husbands was more than plentiful. Having said that, I wasn’t going to back down, so I put in place an Action Plan:

  1. Respond to guys I’m attracted to
  2. Respond if messages are clever
  3. Ignore the rest

Done…and, done. If anything developed with one of these guys, I decided I would feel my way through the rest. Little did I know, I should have named it “The Disaster Plan”, because what was to follow, was far from action.

Geeking Out “Log Horizon”

Obviously if you’re reading this you are a fan of Anime or at least interested in getting into the Anime scene. And now that big time American subscription services such as Amazon, Netfilx, & Hulu have made it easier to access these little gems. The excitement behind anime has grown along with the variety of anime being released. I must admit I’m not a SUPER-anime fan, also known as an otaku, but anime has always held a special place in my heart. I remember my very first anime…Aeon Flux in 1991 (uggh my age is showing lol). And as the years have flown by I still get caught up in a good anime series.

Ok Ok you’re right. Enough of memory lane. Lets get to the good stuff. LOG HORIZON! This anime. Wow. I am in season 1 episode 22 and I can say for a fact “Log Horizon” has a good balance of everything. There is sword action, magical abilities, gaming background, pockets of romance, humor, and a maturity that doesn’t weigh down the viewer’s conscious. The creators really took their time with this one and they truly have me invested!

About The Show:


The show is about a global multiplayer role-playing game called “Elder Tale.” In the game players level up by completing missions and eliminating monsters (don’t worry the show walks you through everything). The twist is one day the players logged in the game are not able to log out. An event known as the “Apocalypse”. Although the current players are trapped in, no new players are allowed to log in. What was once a fantasy becomes every players reality. The players will have to learn quickly how to adapt to their new environment quickly. Nooooooooooow if you were looking for spoilers you are not getting them here. Sorrrrrrry.

Why I’m Geeking Out:

The character growth and personality of each character during their time of adaptation is such a lovely process to watch. I can’t help but to love most, if not all, the characters. They all bring something unique to the table and it doesn’t take long to see how each character plays a part in the growth of the story-line. Mentioning the story-line it definitely keeps the viewer on their feet. And though “Log Horizon” never leaves their viewers behind it doesn’t have them ahead of the characters either. So you learn as the players learn. If you aren’t a big gamer, don’t worry. The gaming aspect of the series is explained to you as the action is happening. The graphics are a work of art that is a delightful detailing to the eyes.

My Favorite Characters:

 SHIRO –> He is the main character and an master enchanter/scribe. He is 23 and is incredibly tactical. Though he may seem a little cold at first he has a warmth to him that makes you want to cheer him on.

NYANTA –> This guy is actual an actual “Catman” who is also a master swordsman/chief (weird combo. Right?!). He is referred to as “Chef” by most of the players.I love the old school feel of this character! He is just too smooth lol. He is believed to be a player who is 40 years old or older, but he keeps a steady faith in Shiroe.

NAOTSUGU –> He is a guardian and your “typical’ big jock character who is really into ladies…you will find out. The surprising thing is that in this series they give him depth, so even with his high school mindset towards women he is likable and Shiroe’s right hand man.

If you are brand new to anime I might suggest “Fruits Basket” or “Ouran HIgh School” as your first taste of anime. Only because they are easier to follow. But if you’ve put your toe in the world of anime I suggest you do not delay and check out “Log Horizon” on Hulu Plus now in English dub (dub- episodes the at English voice overs).

Valentine’s Day IS Underrated

It wasn’t even February as I walked into most of the big name stores only to see what could be the aftermath of the “love fairy” throwing up all over the store shelves.

In plain view were aisle of hart shaped boxes of chocolate, over-sized stuffed animals, glitter filled cards, and bouquets of plastic roses polluting the entire area. Now a few years ago I would have turned up my face and complained (to myself of course) about the overrated holiday known as Valentine’s Day. And no single person can disagree that V-Day can be a little overwhelming and geared to a specific demographic. For as long as I can remember I’ve imagined on this particular day that my Hollywood expectations would be met by the love of my life or at least someone I was dating. But every year that fantasy popped like a Suzy-bubble right in my disappointed face. Instead I would be left in my pj’s and a box of candy purchased with my own money watching <insert action movie here>, so you can see why for so long I cursed or overlooked this particular holiday.

Then one day a few year ago the rosy cloud that had put a damper on my belief of the purpose of Valentine’s day lifted as reality settled in its place. That reality being I had amazing women in my life, who by the way were also single. The truth was love wasn’t limited to romantic relationship and neither should V-Day. So Instead of fretting over Mr. Right I’d recreate my perfect Valentine’s Day. Not wasting any time, I did a group text to the girls and proposed a new way to celebrate. At first it took a little convincing to break from the norms during the most coupled populated holiday, but with the right motivation they were on board. I promised them there would be no pressure other than to bring their “A Game” as if it was Mr. Dreamy taking them out.

I did what I would have wanted my boo-thang to do if I had one for Valentine’s Day. I made reservations two weeks in advance to a fancy Italian restaurant with a romantic atmosphere in the city, Brio Tuscan Grill. Then I prepped myself by buying a stunning navy blue dress, scheduled a nail and hair appointment for that day, and pulled out the dainty accessories. I was all set. 

When the day rolled around I was feeling good and looking sharp, and as the girls arrived to the house it was obvious they were taking this just as serious as me. Our future husbands were missing out (just had to plug that in hehe), but my 2yr old son dressed in his grey tux would do.

Brio Tuscan Grill

Arriving at the restaurant the building was packed along with the waiting area with unprepared boyfriends who sat next to their annoyed girlfriends. Walking to the front the hostess without hesitation let us know the wait was over an hour, but as soon as I let her know we had reservations her whole attitude changed. She flashed us a smile and asked us to wait a few moments while she checked to see if our table was ready.  The hostess was back in no time with several menus in hand as she directed us to follow her. Slipping through tables flushed with couple after couple peering at our little group as if we were the strange ones.

Once we were seated the rest of the night was amazing because I was in the company of wonderful people surrounded by delicious food filled with love. From that day on we declared to celebrate V-Day together…and we have.

 

 

 

 

I encourage you to take the Hollywood out of your V-Day and re-write the script to include family members, friends, pets, or just celebrate YOU because there is so much more to love. Now that’s an Underrated Valentine’s Day.

Single & Single

So here it begins… or at least the parts where I’m totally transparent about my fears and growth of dating at a stage where I’ve thrust myself into the unknown. The unknown being, sought after by other men after my own failed attempt at a family. Then the fear of functioning in a society that has the ability to perceive me as the stereotypical single mother. And finally the unknown of how I am going to balance my life as a new mother and a woman who still has needs. All in all what could be more frightening? Before I outline present pressures and issues, let’s press rewind (and no I didn’t mean scene selection) on the chain of events leading up to this point.

-We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. -T.S. Eliot

The quote that popped into my editors head after reading my last statement lol pure genius!

I’m closing in on the latter part of my 20’s, and for the last two and a half years of my life I have “technically” been single. What I mean by technically is I ended an official engagement of less than a week to my boyfriend who finally did a proper proposal, instead of it being implied for the last two years of our ongoing relationship. Not only were we engaged, but he was the father of my son who I was undoubtedly 8 months pregnant with at the time. And just like that, what we had built was over and I fell into a state of– I might as well say it … desperation.  Here I was, embarrassed by a broken engagement and a mom at 26 with the father of her baby MIA. The title of that chapter would fittingly be “The Days of Our Lives.”

Once my emotional rollercoaster of feelings began to level out I was left desolate in a sea of numbness. Wanting to feel the tingling sensation of my heart again, and coaxed by the loneliness of my situation I was tempted to unearth my past. Pulling the dusty chest from the attic of my brain filled with my exes (and their numbers) I reached deep down into its belly looking for comfort. What I found was familiarity and stagnation. Even with the time that had passed between each ex I managed to put myself back in the same unfavorable situations, but this time my tolerance was far less attainable. I no longer tolerated the continuous weeks of disappearances from men who said they wanted to rekindle a past relationship or the blurry lines of our involvement.

 

Side note Editor Was it all love if it was in the past to call it that? Do women find it all to be love even when it doesn’t work out?

To answer my awesome male editors questions: no it wasnt all love but there was love there and it doesnt just go away because it didnt work out, but you have to respect when it doesnt and love from afar.

This time around I was no longer a young girl worrying about herself, but a young woman and mother looking after her child. So instead of my desired outcome of rekindling a lasting love –and keeping that number count down jk, or not. I discovered myself never committing to a single one of my exes and gaining a healthy reminder of why my exes, were my exes. In that time, I learned some pretty valuable lessons.

  • No you can’t change him; he is who he says he is.
  • No not everyone deserves a second chance or third or fourth.
  • Yes leave your past in the past.

For me, I learned I would be better off leaving the nostalgic memories of dating before baby era in a tiny box labeled open if you dare.

So here we are, back to the present, where I’m no longer heartbroken or disillusioned about what could possibly happen with another man. I’m at a point where having a companion is wanted but not necessary. Dont get me wrong I miss being with someone who appreciates me and I want to have a bond, but I refuse to force or go chasing after an idea that I can make any old thing  work.

Yet I can’t just sit around the house and wait for someone to come knocking at my door announcing, “I Am the One”—even though that would be pretty convenient. I know I have to make an earnest effort to meet and get to know someone new, although it has been scarier than I imagined and a bit hilarious too. The scary part is the idea of creating new bonds that may or may not last. Since my last real relationship was formed from a chance meeting at a Walmart, I don’t really have practice in the countless areas you can now meet someone. I’m finding myself at a place where I want to meet men in a public setting, but still having to resort to online dating because of …hmmm Time? Scheduling? Places? Nope, because of the plain failure to launch circumstances. I’ve decided what better way to get through the neglected city streets of my life known as, ‘Dating in my Late 20’s’ and ‘Dating as a Single Mom’, than to share my experience with women having to go through the same thing.

Oh, and, by the way… you’re welcome. Lol.