So, imagine it’s the night you finally decide to go out and you’ve put on your most flattering cocktail dress– the one that makes you feel good even with those extra 10Ibs. You check yourself out in the mirror one last time and notice your hair and makeup is beat. You step out in your best pumps and walk up to the doors of the nicest lounge/bar in the city. Making your way inside, you notice eyes watching you and surprisingly it gives you a boast of confidence. Like maybe you can still bring the boys to yard lol. Sauntering to the nearest table, the tiny point of your heel catches on the invisible string in the carpet and you take a dramatic tumble to the ground. Welllllllllll…that instance is far from what my entrance into dating looked like. It was more like wearing my favorite comfy jeans, a cute shirt, and some cute flats to a large gathering filled with eligible men. Moving through the cluster of bodies ready to socialize with the first hottie, and somehow still ending up tripping on air.
I’m not sure which situation is more embarrassing, but I know they equally catch you off guard and are down right embarrassing. And that is precisely what my first attempt at dating felt like.
I finally decided I was ready to get out there and test the waters. I was feeling every bit of the catch phrase “single and ready to mingle.” So, I did what any normal woman would do– I downloaded a dating app. Right?! Enlisting my handy HTC One, I typed in “dating apps” and began reading countless ratings for each app. Perusing through the different types of dating apps made me feel out of touch with the world or at least outdated. And with every flick of my thumb revealing more options I wondered if it would ever come to an end. I realized that dating was more than two people meeting up, but now you were able to choose the exact kind of person you want to date. Girl, boy, white, black, brown, undecided, nearby, overseas, you name it they had it. Like a international flee market filled with eligible bachelors, basket-cases, and down right rude boys. I wasn’t sure how good of a bargain these free apps were serving up.
Browsing all these different apps, I kept in mind my four must haves: high ratings, diverse group of men, easy setup, and FREE! I was going to treat this dating app adventure like I treated my online shopping, but my patience was wearing thin and so was my desire to even try this type of dating.
After looking at apps like OKCupid, Tinder, Zoosk, and POF, I settled with MiuMeet (yup spelled exactly like that). At that point I was feeling like these apps were more like job applications with their thousands of tedious questions, and no one likes filling out lengthy job applications. So I settled, sue me. MuiMeet was a simple app. All I needed was an email, basic information, my name (not my real one, of course), and pictures. Once I filled out the necessary info and placed my most current and flattering pics of me in my profile, I clicked submit and let the magic or subsequent chaos begin.
Satisfied with my accomplishment, I set my phone down content with waiting. I felt a load lift from my shoulders as I imagined a decent looking guy messaging me. My thoughts drifting to images of my week ending off with us sharing thoughtful conversation at the local pastry shop. A girl can have dreams, but within minutes I received messages from all kinds of guys blowing up my once silent phone. My first reaction was excitement. I could even feel my heart pick up at the thought of who was awaiting me. Then, I began to feel a tad overwhelmed, as I was not expecting instant responses — the magic. Picking up my phone I had to remind myself this was just a step in my dating journey and not the end. And like the naive person I am I begun to read every message I received, from the simple salutations to lengthy rap sheets.
The quick messages were cute at first but soon became annoying once I realized they were shifting the initial conversation on to me. And the “your beautiful” or “your cute” was nice (and incorrect) but left nothing much for me to work with. While the biographies were entertaining and painfully unnecessary because I wasn’t interested in reading a rough draft of an autobiography. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention the picture messages that ranged from interesting to downright disgusting. I either wanted to gasp in horror or laugh out loud at the sender’s confidence.
Coming to my last pop up message, I closed out of the app and realized this was more than I bargained for. I didn’t expect a sea of men try to sang my attention, no matter how fleeting. Believe me ladies…the “ocean” of future husbands was more than plentiful. Having said that, I wasn’t going to back down, so I put in place an Action Plan:
- Respond to guys I’m attracted to
- Respond if messages are clever
- Ignore the rest
Done…and, done. If anything developed with one of these guys, I decided I would feel my way through the rest. Little did I know, I should have named it “The Disaster Plan”, because what was to follow, was far from action.