“Be Your Own Matchmaker” 30 Day Dating Detox

If you haven’t followed the debacle known as my dating life, then you aren’t aware of my history. I’ve been in the dating pool longer than I expected and it has drained me of my humanity. Therefore, I would encourage you to check out “Single & Single” so you can get a better feel of why I believe my way of dating has gotten me nowhere, literally. But before I continue I really don’t mind waiting so you can catch up HERE! ūüėÄ

So now that you’re all caught up (seriously check it out HERE) I wrote “Single & Single” in 2015 and ever since I’ve been jogging light circles around the dating track. Recently, as in January 2017, I started binge watching Millionaire Matchmaker on Netflix (no judgments) and I thought Patti Stanger had some pretty solid points. Engrossed in the 6th season my curiosity of whether or not her rules could really land me a mate was getting the best of me.¬†I couldn’t help searching the web for her book and some reliable reviews.Of course the first place I began my search was Google where I was linked to Amazon’s 2009 copy of Patti Stanger’s “Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate” with over 200 reviews. NO. I did not read all 200 and something reviews but I did try to read a few from each star level to get opinions from all sides. And like with any product reviews people complained. They protested that¬†her methods were¬†unconventional and outdated. But she also had a lot of good feed back too. The good reviews praised her different methods of getting yourself out there and what a person should do to attract a mate.¬† Reading the last review I thought, “Why not? It couldn’t be any worse than what I’ve gotten into,” and with one click I purchased my paperback copy.

And here we are at my 30 Day Dating Detox, day number 24 (because I started on the 1st of February).

My detox is 30 days because I haven’t been in a serious relationship lasting over a year in…too long.

Take 60 days if your last relationship lasted for 2 years

Detox for 90 days if your last relationship was a marriage or lasted 3 or more years

Breakdown:

The purpose of the “Dating Detox.”
FOCUS: Yourself
GOAL: Get Happy. Get Active. Get involved. Get an idea.¬†I’ll be touching bases on the first goal because that is actively where I am.¬†

Get happy. ¬†“First figure out why you aren’t happy”

This seems like a no brainier, and when I read it my immediate reaction was, “I am happy!” I’m sure it was your response too, right?! But as I read further I realized sometimes the obvious is the first thing overlooked. And I was overlooking the baggage I was carrying form my past relationships. I wasn’t a complete Bitter Betty, but she would creep in at any thing that reminded me of my exes. Like a girlfriend telling me about a guy’s bad habit, or a picture of an ex circulating in the endless space know as the ‘cloud’. It was clear I needed to detox my heart and my home, and Patti outlined how I could accomplish that once and for all.

Forgive

That’s right. You have to forgive. Forgive them ALL. No matter how terrible, gross or jerky. They are the past that can not be changed, so “Get overt it & forgive!” And I’ve had my fair share of unbelievably difficult boyfriends, but Patti was right. I needed to let the past go and let my heart be free. Along with my mind from replaying all the ways I was done wrong. From that moment on I needed to focus my thoughts on the awesome one to come.

Forgive. BUT do not. I repeat, do not go back. Wrong direction sweetie. I would know.

Get Happy Quick

A happy person is an attractive person. To get a jump start on being happier in Patti’s book she suggests writing down 12 things that instantly¬†make you happy. At first I had no idea what those things would be until Patti gave an example of her’s. So instead of you having to rack your brains I’ve included my 12 below.

Purge

This solution may not apply to women who believe that once a man leaves all his shiiii…stuff has to go. I on the other hand have been a bit of a collector of ex things. Wait wait wait before you scold me let me explain. I’m not the collector who keeps everything so I can pull it out later to reminisce about old times, but more for practicality. For instance the iHome given as a present. WHAAAAAAAT?! I knew I wasn’t going to buy me another one. But I hadn’t realized that even things like that could be holding me back from allowing Mr. Rightforme into my life. And let’s face it I’m sure he’d rather I found a new home for those things now, instead of later.

So here at day number 24 that is what I am currently doing. Forgiving. Getting happy. And purging the mess out of my pictures, clothes, jewelry, & electronics so I can be one step closer to my match. 

Valentine’s Day IS Underrated

It wasn’t even February as I walked into most of the big name stores only to see what could be the aftermath of the “love fairy” throwing up all over the store shelves.

In plain view were aisle of hart shaped boxes of chocolate, over-sized stuffed animals, glitter filled cards, and bouquets of plastic roses polluting the entire area. Now a few years ago I would have turned up my face and complained (to myself of course) about the overrated holiday known as Valentine’s Day. And no single person can disagree that V-Day can be a little overwhelming and geared to a specific demographic. For as long as I can remember I’ve imagined on this particular day that my Hollywood expectations would be met¬†by the love of my life or at least someone I was dating. But every year that fantasy popped like a Suzy-bubble right in my disappointed face. Instead I would be left in my pj’s and a box of candy purchased with my own money watching <insert action movie here>, so you can see why for so long I cursed or overlooked this particular holiday.

Then one day a few year ago the rosy cloud that had put a damper on my belief of the purpose of Valentine’s day lifted as reality settled in its place. That reality being I had amazing women in my life, who by the way were also single. The truth was love wasn’t limited to romantic relationship and neither should V-Day. So Instead of fretting over Mr. Right¬†I’d recreate my perfect Valentine’s Day. Not wasting any time, I did a group text to the girls and proposed a new way to celebrate. At first it took a little convincing to break from the norms¬†during the most coupled populated holiday, but with the right motivation they were on board. I promised them there would be no pressure other than to bring their “A Game” as if it was Mr. Dreamy taking them out.

I did what I would have wanted my boo-thang to do if I had one for Valentine’s Day. I made reservations two weeks in advance to a fancy Italian restaurant with a romantic atmosphere¬†in the city, Brio Tuscan Grill.¬†Then I prepped myself by buying a stunning navy blue dress, scheduled¬†a nail and hair appointment¬†for that day, and pulled out the dainty accessories. I was all set.¬†

When the day rolled around I was feeling good and looking sharp, and as the girls arrived to the house it was obvious they were taking this just as serious as me. Our future husbands were missing out (just had to plug that in hehe), but my 2yr old son dressed in his grey tux would do.

Brio Tuscan Grill

Arriving at the restaurant the building was packed along with the waiting area with unprepared boyfriends who sat next to their annoyed girlfriends. Walking to the front the hostess without hesitation let us know the wait was over an hour, but as soon as I let her know we had reservations her whole attitude changed. She flashed us a smile and asked us to wait a few moments while she checked to see if our table was ready.  The hostess was back in no time with several menus in hand as she directed us to follow her. Slipping through tables flushed with couple after couple peering at our little group as if we were the strange ones.

Once we were seated the rest of the night was amazing because I was in the company of wonderful people surrounded by delicious food filled with love. From that day on we declared to celebrate V-Day together…and we have.

 

 

 

 

I encourage you to take the Hollywood out of your V-Day and re-write the script to include family members, friends, pets, or just celebrate YOU because there is so much more to love. Now that’s an Underrated Valentine’s Day.