Valentine’s Day IS Underrated

It wasn’t even February as I walked into most of the big name stores only to see what could be the aftermath of the “love fairy” throwing up all over the store shelves.

In plain view were aisle of hart shaped boxes of chocolate, over-sized stuffed animals, glitter filled cards, and bouquets of plastic roses polluting the entire area. Now a few years ago I would have turned up my face and complained (to myself of course) about the overrated holiday known as Valentine’s Day. And no single person can disagree that V-Day can be a little overwhelming and geared to a specific demographic. For as long as I can remember I’ve imagined on this particular day that my Hollywood expectations would be met by the love of my life or at least someone I was dating. But every year that fantasy popped like a Suzy-bubble right in my disappointed face. Instead I would be left in my pj’s and a box of candy purchased with my own money watching <insert action movie here>, so you can see why for so long I cursed or overlooked this particular holiday.

Then one day a few year ago the rosy cloud that had put a damper on my belief of the purpose of Valentine’s day lifted as reality settled in its place. That reality being I had amazing women in my life, who by the way were also single. The truth was love wasn’t limited to romantic relationship and neither should V-Day. So Instead of fretting over Mr. Right I’d recreate my perfect Valentine’s Day. Not wasting any time, I did a group text to the girls and proposed a new way to celebrate. At first it took a little convincing to break from the norms during the most coupled populated holiday, but with the right motivation they were on board. I promised them there would be no pressure other than to bring their “A Game” as if it was Mr. Dreamy taking them out.

I did what I would have wanted my boo-thang to do if I had one for Valentine’s Day. I made reservations two weeks in advance to a fancy Italian restaurant with a romantic atmosphere in the city, Brio Tuscan Grill. Then I prepped myself by buying a stunning navy blue dress, scheduled a nail and hair appointment for that day, and pulled out the dainty accessories. I was all set. 

When the day rolled around I was feeling good and looking sharp, and as the girls arrived to the house it was obvious they were taking this just as serious as me. Our future husbands were missing out (just had to plug that in hehe), but my 2yr old son dressed in his grey tux would do.

Brio Tuscan Grill

Arriving at the restaurant the building was packed along with the waiting area with unprepared boyfriends who sat next to their annoyed girlfriends. Walking to the front the hostess without hesitation let us know the wait was over an hour, but as soon as I let her know we had reservations her whole attitude changed. She flashed us a smile and asked us to wait a few moments while she checked to see if our table was ready.  The hostess was back in no time with several menus in hand as she directed us to follow her. Slipping through tables flushed with couple after couple peering at our little group as if we were the strange ones.

Once we were seated the rest of the night was amazing because I was in the company of wonderful people surrounded by delicious food filled with love. From that day on we declared to celebrate V-Day together…and we have.

 

 

 

 

I encourage you to take the Hollywood out of your V-Day and re-write the script to include family members, friends, pets, or just celebrate YOU because there is so much more to love. Now that’s an Underrated Valentine’s Day.

Single & Single

So here it begins… or at least the parts where I’m totally transparent about my fears and growth of dating at a stage where I’ve thrust myself into the unknown. The unknown being, sought after by other men after my own failed attempt at a family. Then the fear of functioning in a society that has the ability to perceive me as the stereotypical single mother. And finally the unknown of how I am going to balance my life as a new mother and a woman who still has needs. All in all what could be more frightening? Before I outline present pressures and issues, let’s press rewind (and no I didn’t mean scene selection) on the chain of events leading up to this point.

-We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. -T.S. Eliot

The quote that popped into my editors head after reading my last statement lol pure genius!

I’m closing in on the latter part of my 20’s, and for the last two and a half years of my life I have “technically” been single. What I mean by technically is I ended an official engagement of less than a week to my boyfriend who finally did a proper proposal, instead of it being implied for the last two years of our ongoing relationship. Not only were we engaged, but he was the father of my son who I was undoubtedly 8 months pregnant with at the time. And just like that, what we had built was over and I fell into a state of– I might as well say it … desperation.  Here I was, embarrassed by a broken engagement and a mom at 26 with the father of her baby MIA. The title of that chapter would fittingly be “The Days of Our Lives.”

Once my emotional rollercoaster of feelings began to level out I was left desolate in a sea of numbness. Wanting to feel the tingling sensation of my heart again, and coaxed by the loneliness of my situation I was tempted to unearth my past. Pulling the dusty chest from the attic of my brain filled with my exes (and their numbers) I reached deep down into its belly looking for comfort. What I found was familiarity and stagnation. Even with the time that had passed between each ex I managed to put myself back in the same unfavorable situations, but this time my tolerance was far less attainable. I no longer tolerated the continuous weeks of disappearances from men who said they wanted to rekindle a past relationship or the blurry lines of our involvement.

 

Side note Editor Was it all love if it was in the past to call it that? Do women find it all to be love even when it doesn’t work out?

To answer my awesome male editors questions: no it wasnt all love but there was love there and it doesnt just go away because it didnt work out, but you have to respect when it doesnt and love from afar.

This time around I was no longer a young girl worrying about herself, but a young woman and mother looking after her child. So instead of my desired outcome of rekindling a lasting love –and keeping that number count down jk, or not. I discovered myself never committing to a single one of my exes and gaining a healthy reminder of why my exes, were my exes. In that time, I learned some pretty valuable lessons.

  • No you can’t change him; he is who he says he is.
  • No not everyone deserves a second chance or third or fourth.
  • Yes leave your past in the past.

For me, I learned I would be better off leaving the nostalgic memories of dating before baby era in a tiny box labeled open if you dare.

So here we are, back to the present, where I’m no longer heartbroken or disillusioned about what could possibly happen with another man. I’m at a point where having a companion is wanted but not necessary. Dont get me wrong I miss being with someone who appreciates me and I want to have a bond, but I refuse to force or go chasing after an idea that I can make any old thing  work.

Yet I can’t just sit around the house and wait for someone to come knocking at my door announcing, “I Am the One”—even though that would be pretty convenient. I know I have to make an earnest effort to meet and get to know someone new, although it has been scarier than I imagined and a bit hilarious too. The scary part is the idea of creating new bonds that may or may not last. Since my last real relationship was formed from a chance meeting at a Walmart, I don’t really have practice in the countless areas you can now meet someone. I’m finding myself at a place where I want to meet men in a public setting, but still having to resort to online dating because of …hmmm Time? Scheduling? Places? Nope, because of the plain failure to launch circumstances. I’ve decided what better way to get through the neglected city streets of my life known as, ‘Dating in my Late 20’s’ and ‘Dating as a Single Mom’, than to share my experience with women having to go through the same thing.

Oh, and, by the way… you’re welcome. Lol.